


Come home to me

by rcmsw



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Porn with Feelings, Smut, there is nothing I will not write for rebelcaptain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 13:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10967913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rcmsw/pseuds/rcmsw
Summary: Despairing at the news of the second Death Star, Jyn volunteers for the mission to ensure its destruction. Unsure of how this all will end, she and Cassian spend the night clinging to each other.For rebelcaptain prompt #13- Desperation.





	Come home to me

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I write smut now. Thanks rebelcaptain. And a sincere thanks to [jenniferjun1per](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jenniferjun1per/pseuds/jenniferjun1per) for encouragement and both her and [silverystarrysilence](https://silverystarrysilence.tumblr.com/) for the beta. 
> 
> My knowledge of Operation Yellow Moon is limited to Wookieepedia, so I’m sorry for any inaccuracies with it. Why would I write about a plot point I know next to nothing about? Angst of course.

Glowing red, it hovers before her once again. Different, of course, this time without her father’s fatal flaw. And yet it was still his work, in some small way. The knowledge of it pushes down on Jyn’s shoulders as if gravity has shifted around her, threatening to crush her. Her ribs ache as she tries to breathe, tries to focus on the debrief about the new Death Star.

If the others were there, she might have been able to react better.

Chirrut would tell her calmly about the ways of the Force, how everything is how it's willed to be. Baze would lay a hand on her shoulder, letting her know in his silent way that he was by her side. Bodhi would look at her with those big soft eyes and hug her as much as a comfort to her as to himself. 

And Cassian. Cassian would have been there, right by her side, leaning his head towards hers, face soft and comforting but eyes promising they would fight. He would have known exactly how she felt, would have found the words to say, or would have known to say nothing at all.

But the others aren’t there. The Battle of Hoth has sent them scattered amongst the stars. Her family, though whole in spirit, is fractured, and she is alone.

So instead she breaks her hand punching a metal wall, and then retreats within herself. 

 

A hint of solace comes in the form of rumors that creep their way through the hallways like vines on ancient stone. Princess Leia has a plan. 

Technically, Jyn shouldn’t know about Operation Yellow Moon. It’s classified and still in development. Whispers of it continue to reverberate around base though, and she knows she has to go. The mission to distract the Empire from the gathering of the Alliance’s fleet will be dangerous, but necessary if the Alliance is ever going to have a shot on Endor. Jyn has to be a part of it, no matter the risk. She has to. 

She approaches Leia, states her case in her usual blunt manner. At first the young woman looks as though she’s going to say no. Jyn had expected as much. She’s ready to put up a fight. But then their eyes meet over the council table, and Jyn is reminded of a lifetime ago when she stood by Saw’s side and locked eyes with the child princess as she stood beside her father. Back then, she had felt so different from the little royal girl dressed all in white. Now she sees their similarities reflected back in Leia’s eyes, one a determined velvety brown and the other a hard fervid green. The same fire, the same need. They are two sides of a coin - one of them bears the weight of the destroyed, the other the weight of the destroyer. Both need some sort of absolution and this, the final Death Star, this could be it. 

“I need you to understand the peril of this mission - not only to our own lives, but to civilians as well.” Leia’s words are calculated, her face controlled. 

“I do.”

“Then we could use you.” 

 

The day before they’re set to leave, Cassian lands back on base. Jyn wonders then, briefly, would she have signed up if she had known he’d be with her so soon? The answer forms in her mind before she can finish asking the question. His presence, though comforting, wouldn’t change anything. Even he would not quell the desperate demand that courses through her veins. No words or caresses could silence it. She must move, fight, act. Only then can she find peace. 

She hopes he’ll understand. In some way at least, she knows he will. His own words echo in her mind the way they did in the hangar. 

“Everything we did would have been for nothing. I couldn’t face myself if I gave up now.” 

 

Jyn’s steps echo on the metal floor as she makes her way to greet him, moving quickly, no concern or reservation able to slow her down when she knows he’s so close to her. The council called him into an intelligence meeting before he even landed, and she assumes it must be about the operation. She doesn’t want him to find out from someone else, but she knows she won’t have enough time to fully explain herself. 

“I joined the mission,” she tells him simply, as soon as he’s near her. 

He’s smiling at her as their hands brush together in the hangar bay. The smile falls from his lips when he sees the look in her eye, the furious need there attached to something he does not yet know. He’s searching the endless green pools for answers when a lieutenant comes to escort him to the meeting. He’s late. He brushes her cheek softly with his thumb, trying to give what little comfort he can, before he finally has to pull away. 

Those fierce eyes follow him as he goes, the need growing stronger with each step he takes away from her. 

\------

Cassian flattens his hands out on the table before him, the force straining his fingers as he listens to Princess Leia present the mission plan. She’s good at this, he thinks, not for the first time. Her words are clear and succinct, but heavy enough to fully convey the risk of the mission. She’s on the team herself, and her description of the chance they have is passionate, showing she really believes in what they can accomplish. 

“These hyper-receivers will send the Empire chasing our signal to the Corva system, opening up our attack on Endor. That’s the best chance we have to take down the Death Star,” Leia explains. “Nunb will pilot us, and the rest of the crew will be made up of myself, Aleri, Lokmarcha, Antrot... and Erso.”

Leia’s eyes flick to Cassian’s face as she says Jyn’s name, and he’s grateful for the warning she’d given him, however small. He’s able to keep his response controlled, bite back any emotion from flashing on his face. 

Something tugs at his gut, heavier than any notion that’s nestled there before. Not dread, but real terror. His fingers swipe across the table as he clenches his hand into a fist, knuckles tightening until they’re white. More than just fear, he realizes he’s angry. Not at Jyn. He understands what drives her not only in this mission but every mission. He sees that drive mirrored in his own face everyday. No, Cassian was angry at Darth Vader, the emperor, the whole damn galaxy for making this brave, stubborn, wounded woman risk her life over and over again, give everything she has, sacrifice time and time again - all in the name of some distant chance at a better future, if not for herself, then for those who will come after her. 

The odds are no worse than Scarif, he knows, except for one glaring difference - he won’t be going with her. 

\--------

When he finds her in her room later, his face is taut, deep creases hardening around his eyes and mouth. 

“I had to.” The words are whispered, but he hears the conviction behind them. 

“I know,” It’s sincere, but broken. He takes a breath, shaky. “I can’t go with you.”

“I didn’t expect you to.” 

His eyes finally meet hers, and she sees the pain buried deep within the shrouded brown. She realizes then that he wants to go with her. Even after all this time, she’s still getting used to that. 

He holds her tightly as they fall asleep that night, as if he’s afraid she’ll slip through his fingers. 

 

The absence of his weight wakes Jyn, the space beside her too empty and cold for her to continue sleeping in peace. She opens her eyes to see him sitting at the edge of the bed, feet on the ground and head in his hands as they rest on his knees. 

Rising up, she shuffles towards him, placing a hand lightly on his bare shoulder. Cassian lifts his head from his hands but doesn’t turn to her. It’s then that she notices the tightness in his shoulders, like he’s trying to still them from shaking. 

“Cassian,” she breathes, trying to find the words to soothe him, but none come to her. 

He grasps the hand from his shoulder, brings it up to his face so his lips can brush soft as a feather over her knuckles. Burying her face into his shoulder, Jyn threads her other arm around his waist and presses as close to him as she possibly can. If she can’t comfort him with words, this will have to do. 

“Just come home,” he whispers. The words are strangled. He knows better than to ask, knows she can’t control it, but he can’t stop the plea from spilling over his lips. 

He turns to her slowly, eyes searching, desperate for what they both know she can’t give him. 

“Please, just promise me you’ll come home.” 

“I will. I promise,” Her voice is as desperate as his own. It’s not exactly a lie, but it might as well be. They both know she can’t promise something like that. Neither of them can. They’ve had so many nights like this before a mission, and they’ve never asked for promises before. But something is different this time. Something has broken. A wall has come crashing down between them, scattering pieces into the openness left in its place. They cannot caution themselves as they normally do, can’t hold back in any way. 

They stare at each other for a moment, eyes locked. He’s afraid he’ll ask her for everything, and even more afraid she’ll promise it all to him. So instead he cups her face and crashes his lips onto hers. Their mouths are fierce and searching against each other, seeking some sort of solace. 

Cassian twists and pulls Jyn into his lap, her legs wrapping around his hips, before he pushes her back on the bed. Lightly, his fingers wisp over the exposed skin at her hip until his hands slide slowly up her shirt and over her abdomen. His hands are calloused against her body, but her skin is wounded just the same. His trigger marks trace over her blaster burns. Her bruised knuckles skim across his battle scars. Their fights mark their bodies, but moments like this are cemented on their hearts. 

Moving deliberately, his hands ache to take in as much of her as he can, needing to feel her safe and sound in his grasp. He fingers the edge of her breast band before deciding simple contact is not enough - he wants to see her. His hands draw back down to bunch up her shirt and pull it over her head. A sound like a whimper escapes her mouth at the loss of contact, and she quickly threads her hands through his hair and drags him back down to her. He goes willingly.

He gets rid of her band without breaking from her this time, but pulls away from her lips to kiss his way down the length of her neck to her chest. His mouth finds her breasts, and he gives them the attention they deserve. Sighing into him, she threads her fingers through his hair, losing herself in the sensation. For now, at least, there is no impending mission, no Death Star, no weight on her shoulders. For now, there is only him. 

Drifting up again, his eyes take in the sight of her. Her hair is down, fanning over her shoulders as her head tilts back. She is softer now, in these moments, because she does not have to be hard when she’s with him. He’s struck by how vulnerable she allows herself to be, and yet her strength still shines through undiminished. His breath catches as he wonders what he did to deserve a moment like this with her. The thought makes him pause, and she opens her eyes to gaze down at him. With a deep steadying breath, he lets every detail of the moment sink in - the small tug of a smile at her swollen lips, the overpowering affection in her bright green eyes, the velvety touch of her fingers floating slowly along his cheek. 

He stays still until she raises an eyebrow at him, and he smirks in return. His nose trails a line down her stomach, the wisp of a touch, until he reaches the hem of her sleep pants. Inch by inch, he peels them off her body, placing light kisses as he goes. She lifts up her hips to help him, eager now. He makes his way back up achingly slow, taking his time as he caresses her bare legs. She sighs, out of both pleasure and impatience. His touch is fire on her skin, leaving an impression that burns even after he’s moved on.

Scraggly from a long mission, his beard scratches the soft skin along her inner thigh, painting the sensitive skin with streaks of pink. His breath is warm against her, and Jyn squirms at the feel, trying to marry her skin to his lips. Finally, mercifully, he places one final, firm kiss to the crevice of her thigh before his tongue finds her center. He moves his mouth in tight circles around her as his hands drift up to play with her clit. Jyn feels her body coil tightly as she arches up, bucking her hips closer to him, trying to absorb every sensation he’s giving her. 

It is too much, and not enough. Some nights they can spend what feels like hours doing just this, but tonight she needs all of him. They need to be connected, to not know where one ends and the other begins. Her hands travel from the width of his shoulders down his back to his waist. She shoves his pants and underwear down, and he kicks them off completely. Her hands grasp him, and line him up with her. 

She sighs as he enters her, hands gripping at his back, trying to bring him closer still. He winds his hand along her spine, fingers splayed over the breadth of her back, supporting them on one forearm as he presses her tighter up against him. They move together, finding a rhythm quickly. The pace increases with their need - a desperate desire to give each other everything. Their mouths meet again, breathless kisses as teeth pull on lips. Hands grip bare skin, pulling each other ever closer. He shifts and draws her up and into his lap, her knees settling beside his hips. They both moan at the change of angle.

“Jyn,” Her name escapes him, a prayer on his lips. 

They wrap fully around each other now. His fingers grip the side of her ribs as hers spread across his back. They cannot get close enough. 

His breath is hot on her neck, lips touching her ear. 

“Come home to me, Jyn” he murmurs. “Come home.”

“I will” she gasps. “I will, I will, I will.” 

They come together like they always seem to do and Jyn’s head curls into the base of his neck as she rides out the pleasure. 

Once they catch their breath, his arms stay tight around her as he lowers them back on the bed. She lifts her hands up to hold his face, and he turns to place a kiss lightly on her palm. She has no more words to give him, so instead she holds his gaze. 

In his eyes she sees her own despair, fear, and most importantly, hope, reflected back in them. This mission, and the impending fight against the Death Star, may be the greatest threat they’ll face. But if they win, it could mean the end of the war. The end of all their fighting and sacrifices. It could mean a future, for them, together. She falls asleep still staring at his eyes and the possibilities, good and bad, shining like constellations in them. 

 

Morning dawns and Jyn wakes before he does, dressing for her departure before resting a hand gently on his shoulder above the covers. 

“Cassian,” she whispers, the rising sun renewing her determination. “I have to go.”

He wakes, his eyes finding hers as soon as they open. The desperation has been beaten back, but there’s still a cold sadness that rests at the edge of the warm brown. He doesn’t ask for any promises this time, just kisses her softly before letting her go.

 

She keeps her promise, but she’d never pulled one from him. He’s gone when she returns several days later. This time she leaves for the battle on Endor alone, with no desperate hands to grip her tightly, no kiss before the siege. No one begs her to come back, to survive. 

 

She does it anyway. As the dust of the Death Star rains from the sky, she learns no promise is necessary. In the darkness, a bright light grips her focus, drawing her in like a beacon. His face reflecting the fires of a victory celebration, his smile shining brighter than the suns in the sky. In the end, it’s him that comes home to her.


End file.
